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为什么深爱你的人,这次再也没回头

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1
  
  最近,在网上看到这么一段话:
  
  我用十秒钟删去你的联系方式,用十分钟清空了所有的信息,用十个小时扔掉了所有你送的礼物,再用十天的时间,让输入法不再默认打出你的名字,十个月后以为自己放下了一切,却被你十个字的一句问候全部唤醒,最后才发现时间并不是万能的解药。
  
  相信那些恋爱中经历过分分合合的人都会有此深刻体会,不管自己口上说得有多坚决,对方只寥寥几个字就瞬间把所谓的决绝土崩瓦解。
  
  有时,分手后的不甘和不舍只是两个鼓着一口气的人拉着一根绳子拔河,就看谁先低头认输,谁先缴械投降。
  
  其实,往往最先迈出一步的人并非都是过错方,只是习惯了示弱,或者说他爱得更情感化一些,更不忍放手分别。
  
  但一个人主动久了,总是会累的,那种感觉,就像在水边捞月亮,你明明感觉月亮离你很近,可是你一伸手,却什么都抓不住。
  
  一次,两次,三次……最后,那个深爱你的人,这次,再也没有回头。
  
  2
  
  有一位死党,我见证了他与朋友纠缠许多年,本以为历经磨合再无情感波澜,却又迎来了分手。
  
  以前每次分手,他总是最先低头的那个,如果又是他有错在先,他更是想尽各种办法去挽回感情,甚至尊严全无。我有时不理解,但每次他都能找到说服我的理由。
  
  比如:对方人很好,只是性格有点倔,总要一个人先服软;
  
  比如:自己年龄大些,又是男生,就要让着她,宠着她;
  
  比如:自己做了错事,就要承担责任,不能让感情留遗憾;
  
  ……
  
  总之,反省、自责、愧疚、不舍,他演绎着各种情绪,死死抓住这段感情不撒手。
  
  而这次,他没有再向我倾诉任何心事,也再没有意无意地提到关于对方的任何信息,只是沉默了许久,也不见任何行动。
  
  我以为他只是在赌气,只是时间久点,当我主动问起此事时,他才淡淡地说了句:这次就算完结篇了,放了她,也放过自己吧。
  
  我相信他还是深爱对方的,因为几个月时间里,他清瘦了二十多斤。可为什么,就不再回头了。
  
  3
  
  一个人,经常做一件事,长此以往,就逐渐养成了习惯,不管这习惯是好是坏,都很难再戒掉。
  
  感情也是一样,两个人相处的模式,如果能够共生,那就说明是双方认可的,或者是可以互相忍受的,不管一方有多弱势,一方有多霸道。
  
  可习惯大多是一个人的癖好,单人运动,一个人过好过坏而已,而爱情,现实点来说则是两个人的博弈,讲究你来我往,伴随着种种境遇,更容易生出嫌隙。
  
  在爱里,谁都希望被理解,被呵护,不管男女性别,不论地位高低。一直做同一個动作,总有一方看着心烦,另一方做着会累。
  
  所以,现实的很多人们,生命里往往总有一个人,会一直住在心底,却慢慢消失在生活里。你忘不掉,但也不想再重复过去。
  
  有时,爱情就是这么没有道理。开始时,我们总想法设法让对方把自己装进心里,落幕时,又费劲脑汁要把对方从心里赶出去。
  
  你努力地爱一个人,最后又要努力地忘掉他。
  
  可记忆也很奇怪,你越是想忘掉,往往更清晰。
  
  索性,就留着,沉默着,终其一生,烙上无法清除的印记。
  
  4
  
  死党依旧过着一个人的生活,他说也许会就此一生孤独下去,也许哪天头脑一热,就卖掉房子,远走他乡,默默老去。
  
  但有一点,他想得很明白,无论再怎么深爱,这次,都不再回头。
  
  后来,我问死党宁死不屈的原因,他说:以前,总是我的错多,我爱她,也愧疚,总想着如果有下一次我一定会做得更好些,让自己改变得让她更满意些,虽然总出错,但我总在努力。而这次,我觉得我可以问心无愧了,不需要解释,也不需要乞求原谅,因为我知道陪着她的最后一段路,我尽了多大的心和力。很多事,她不需要明白,我知道就好。
  
  是啊,如果一个人觉得自己对得住这段感情,使尽全力,无所亏欠,如果仍然不能让对方满意,那就离开吧。
  
  不是失望和怨恨,而是甘心和释然,甘心我付出的一切,释然你和我的昔日种种,从此天涯孤旅,各自珍重。
  
  也许我还放不下你,但我必须放下自己。
  
  就像电影《oneday》里的那句台词:我无法控制自己对你的难以忘怀,可是关于你的一切已经再也没有了期待。
  
  因为,我努力成全过自己,也终于真实失去了你。
  
  我爱你,无悔,尽力了,也无愧。
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